I've looked everywhere...he's doing this to punish me, I just know it.
Akito, come home! You're going to die out there and it will be my fault. I'll never forgive myself. You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Good grief, what did I do to deserve this? I've made mistakes and I've tried to fix them. I'm not a good person, but I do try. And right now I am so stressed, it seems like some sort of payback for something I've done that fails to come to mind. I think my hair is falling out, I'm so worried. The servants are out there now, walking up and down the garden path, calling his name. I have a bad feeling about this. A really, really bad feeling...
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Secrets are Meant to be Kept.
Shigure paid me a visit today.
At first I was actually glad to see him. Amazing, right? He smiled at me and slipped into my office without waiting to be invited. He sat down and lit a cigarette and sat there smoking it; asked me how my day had been, what I was doing for dinner tonight. I had nothing extraordinary to report--my world revolves around the fluctuation of Akito's temperature. I did not bother to remind him of this.
He knows already.
The conversation was dry but welcome. Until he glanced in the direction of Kana's photo. And then I felt the dread return and I asked him to leave. It was not planned, the dismissal. It came out sounding harsher than I meant it to--I do not blame Shigure for his absent conscience--he has always been that way, and I have loved him in spite of it.
He just smiled at me as he had when he came in. He left without being asked twice. But as he hovered in the doorway, he said over his shoulder without bothering to look at me, "I figured it out a long time ago."
And then he was gone.
I didn't mean for it to go this far. I am not an emotional man. I solve problems, rather than dwelling on what cannot be helped. I don't believe I should seek such an outlet. But desperation, perhaps, drives me to this.
That is what I tell myself when I'm trying to sleep at night.
At first I was actually glad to see him. Amazing, right? He smiled at me and slipped into my office without waiting to be invited. He sat down and lit a cigarette and sat there smoking it; asked me how my day had been, what I was doing for dinner tonight. I had nothing extraordinary to report--my world revolves around the fluctuation of Akito's temperature. I did not bother to remind him of this.
He knows already.
The conversation was dry but welcome. Until he glanced in the direction of Kana's photo. And then I felt the dread return and I asked him to leave. It was not planned, the dismissal. It came out sounding harsher than I meant it to--I do not blame Shigure for his absent conscience--he has always been that way, and I have loved him in spite of it.
He just smiled at me as he had when he came in. He left without being asked twice. But as he hovered in the doorway, he said over his shoulder without bothering to look at me, "I figured it out a long time ago."
And then he was gone.
I didn't mean for it to go this far. I am not an emotional man. I solve problems, rather than dwelling on what cannot be helped. I don't believe I should seek such an outlet. But desperation, perhaps, drives me to this.
That is what I tell myself when I'm trying to sleep at night.
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